How To Deal With a Harsh Inner Critic—Anxiety Therapy San Francisco
Having worked with clients who cope with anxiety as an anxiety therapist in San Francisco, I find that clients often have a negative critic in their head that simply annihilates their self-esteem and causes a great deal of anxiety. If the client is having a great day, filled with wonderful things, that little critic will come up and say something negative “well actually, you screwed that conversation up in this way” or “you’re actually a bad person.” It’s a self-generated voice that sucks the joy out of anything they are doing. So what is this impulse to say negative things to ourselves and why do we believe it?
First, this critic exists to keep us safe. It is a twisted way of the mind trying to make sure we don’t repeat a mistake. Quite simply, the mind overdoes the admonishing in a bid to protect us. The original impulse, that of keeping us safe, is not a bad one. However, it can be extreme and rob us of happiness. The desire to keep us safe and the desire to have happiness at times can contradict themselves. Imagine that there is a tiger chasing you. . .it is more advantageous to attend to the desire to stay safe (and keep running or try to escape) than it is to stop and do something that might be pleasurable to us (stop and observe the view and smell some flowers). It makes sense that we attend to the thing in our mind that keeps us safe rather than the thing that might make us happy. However, we need to discern when the critic is going overboard and is either constant or overly harsh. Here are a couple ways to deal with an internal critic that is making your life miserable.
1) Notice the negative thought or thoughts that are occurring. Label the thoughts as coming from your inner critic. Labeling the critic gives it less power.
2) Evaluate if the critic’s response is a) proportionate b) kind or compassionate
3) If your inner critic is being negative and cruel, set a limit. This sounds a bit abstract but I like to tell my critic “Thank you for protecting me. I understand you are trying to keep me safe but I got this.” Let your rational, more gentle part of yourself take over and treat the inner critic like an out-of-control mean toddler with good intentions.
4) If your inner critic continues to harp on you, come up with a mantra. I like the mantra “the meanest thing I think is not the truest thing.” Repeat as many times as needed.
5) Distract yourself. Do something difficult that engages your mind and body and leaves little room for the critic to operate.
If you still have questions about how to deal with your inner critic, or anxiety therapy in San Francisco, please feel free to contact me, Lisa Manca, at (415) 212-8780. I would be happy to help you develop a better relationship to your anxiety.