You Can’t Outthink Your Feelings
Anxiety Therapy San Francisco
Over the past several years I noticed many of my clients with anxiety tend to rely on their thinking skills to try and deal with their emotions. There seems to be a presumption that if they think through every worst case scenario they can avoid ever feeling any unpleasant emotions. Unfortunately, that’s like trying to use a screwdriver to hammer a nail. It doesn’t work because it is the wrong tool and no matter how you try to tweak it, that tool will not work for your desired outcome. Not only is overthinking the wrong tool to deal with emotions, the outcome of never having to feel unpleasant emotions is not achievable if you want to stay connected to yourself and your life. Don’t get me wrong, many people try to never feel anything—you need only look at people who are addicted to food, drugs, alcohol, porn, video games, or any other thing. People are endlessly creative with ways to avoid their feelings. That is because sometimes it hurts to feel. However, if you want to have a different relationship with feelings and not have them overtake you and your life, feeling emotions—even the painful ones--is necessary.
So, where to start? It’s definitely better to feel your feelings throughout the day rather than let them hit you all at once on a weekly, monthly, or for some really repressed people, yearly basis(!) Here are a few pointers on how to get started.
1) Make time each day to feel your feelings.
This does not have to be super complicated. You can take some deep breaths and ask yourself “how am I feeling right now?” Notice the physical sensations in your body without making up a story or looking for meaning. Check in with yourself each day . . .check in if you are happy, sad, annoyed, etc. and make every emotion welcome. It’s ok if you can only do it for 2 minutes at a time. You are building a tolerance for your emotions and teaching yourself that whatever you feel is acceptable.
2) Notice when your anxious brain is taking over and make an effort to get into your body.
If you find that your thoughts are running away with you and you are constantly looking for worst case scenarios, stop. Take deep breaths into your low belly. If you need further grounding, pay attention to sensations in your body e.g. your feet on the floor, where your body has contact with what you are sitting on, etc. Look for places in your body that feel neutral, or if possible, pleasant.
3) If you find you still need help in managing your anxiety or are curious about anxiety therapy, please reach out to a mental health professional. If you have any questions or need resources, please contact me at (415) 212-8780 or lisa@lisamanca.com.