Why Can’t I Talk Some Sense Into My Anxiety? Insight from an Anxiety Therapist in San Francisco

As an anxiety therapist in San Francisco, I see a lot of clients who are puzzled as to why they can’t logic their way out of their anxiety. They know they have anxiety, they know the thoughts they are having don’t make any “sense,” and they understand that what they worry or fear may be their brain exaggerating. However, when they get anxious they try to talk themselves out of feeling anxious. And it DOESN’T work. They can tell themselves all sorts of logical thoughts but they still FEEL anxious. While trying to change the way you think can help with some aspects on anxiety, when you are feeling extremely anxious trying to change your thoughts has minimal effect on what you are actually feeling.

Reasons That Trying to Use Logic Fails When You Are Anxious

1)    You are in fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode aka your sympathetic nervous system is engaged. In other words, you are simply too anxious to pay attention to your logical brain. You can say all the logical things you want to yourself, you simply can’t absorb them. That feeling that is akin to having a tiger chasing you makes it nearly impossible to listen to your pre-frontal cortex (or more evolved part of our brain that LOVES logic).

2)    If you are not in fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode, it is possible that your anxiety is trying to tell you something. Often when you suppress emotions that you feel are troublesome, anxiety gets bigger. The more you ignore your feelings, the bigger the anxiety grows. Trying to focus on changing your thoughts, however, is not the same as listening or acknowledging the emotions you may be pushing away.

So how do you cope with anxiety if you can’t use logic? Here are two suggestions from me, an anxiety therapist in San Francisco.

1)    If you are in fight/flight/freeze (which might be indicated by your thoughts racing, heart pounding, etc.) you need to calm your nervous system down. Basically you need something to help you relax and the quickest way to do that is to slow your breath. You can start by breathing in for four counts, hold your breath for four counts, exhale for four counts, then again hold your breath for four counts. Repeat for as many cycles as it takes for your heart rate to slow or other physical symptoms to subside. Other ideas to help relax include meditation, exercise, listening to music, etc. Note that scrolling on your phone is not included as it further disconnects you from yourself and what your body needs.

2)     Once you feel a bit more calm and less panicky (which may take a bit of time) sit down and do a self check-in. Find a quiet space and ask yourself the following questions: How do I feel? What do I need? If you need a more detailed description about how to check in with yourself and your emotions, click here. Let yourself notice any and all feelings and needs without judgment. They may be the first clues as to how to take care of yourself and lessen your anxiety.

I hope these suggestions for working with anxiety prove helpful to you. If you still have questions about anxiety therapy how you can alleviate your anxiety other than trying to use logic, please feel free to contact me, Lisa Manca, at lisa@lisamanca.com.