Holiday Anxiety: The Gift That Keeps on Giving

As an anxiety therapist in San Francisco, I notice that there is a distinct spike in anxiety whenever the holidays come around. There can be many reasons for this increase in anxiety. For many people, the hallmark version of family and family gatherings don’t exist and getting together with family is stressful and sometimes, downright hurtful.

Family members may be the people most likely to impede on our boundaries while having unsaid or unrealistic expectations for people to meet when they come home.

With the idea that we both need to meet expectations that we may not feel comfortable with and perhaps allow people to treat us in a less than ideal way, anxiety may start to rear its ugly head. Often this anxiety is signaling to us that there are emotions that we are ignoring: perhaps we are “going along to get along” which we take to mean we just have to ignore anger or sadness or any other “inappropriate” emotion that shows up for a holiday.

So how do we cope with our anxiety that shows up during this joyful and stressful season if we cannot simply avoid stressful gatherings completely?

Here are a few suggestions from an anxiety therapist in San Francisco who has heard many tales of holiday stress and woes from clients:

1)  Acknowledge your emotions.

Hear me when I say this might just mean to acknowledging yourself and not expressing those feelings to anyone else unless you feel safe. However, you do not need to suppress any emotions. Give yourself time away from others and feel your feelings

2)  If someone is triggering you, deliberately or not, set a boundary with them.

“A simple can we please change the subject?” or, if need be, walking away to do something else can work wonders for stressful situations.

3)  Reserve the right to take breaks and to decide what you are able to contribute without depleting your energy or resources, even if others expect something different.

Often, in family situations, we may feel and behave like we did when we were children, which may mean feeling powerless or obligated to do what another person would like. But, we are not children any longer, we are adults with agency over our own lives. Sure, using your power to do what you are able and not acquiescing to others may disappoint some people but THAT IS OK. They are adults and can manage their feelings around your decisions.

Lastly, be kind to yourself if you find you need a little bit of time to behave differently when in stressful situations in the holiday season. You may have patterns to unravel from years of exposure, so just take it one holiday engagement at the time.

I hope these holiday reminders help you to manage your anxiety. If you have any questions or need help managing your anxiety this holiday season, please contact me: lisa@lisamanca.com. I am happy to help and look forward to hearing from you!