Understanding Compassionate Inquiry: The Trauma Therapy You Haven’t Heard About But You Wish You Had

Guest blog by Shay Dubois, LCSW (Shay@overcomeanxietytrauma.com )

In the realm of therapy and personal development, Compassionate Inquiry stands out as a profound method for exploring the depths of human experience with empathy and understanding. Developed by renowned physician and trauma expert Dr. Maté, Compassionate Inquiry offers a unique approach to uncovering the underlying causes of emotional pain and trauma, paving the way for healing and transformation. Dr. Maté developed this method from his years of working as a medical doctor and seeing that more than 90% of his patients' complaints were not of a biological origin but were the result of trauma.

**What is Compassionate Inquiry?**

At its core, Compassionate Inquiry is a therapeutic technique that combines curiosity, empathy, and mindfulness to delve into the root causes of emotional suffering. Unlike traditional forms of inquiry, which may focus solely on cognitive exploration, Compassionate Inquiry integrates the emotional and somatic dimensions of experience, recognizing that trauma is stored not only in the mind but also in the body.

**Key Principles of Compassionate Inquiry:**

1. **Curiosity with Kindness:** Compassionate Inquiry encourages therapists and clients to approach the exploration of trauma with genuine curiosity and non-judgmental kindness. By adopting an attitude of openness and acceptance, therapists create a safe space for deep exploration and healing.

2. **Exploring the Story Beneath the Story:** Rather than simply addressing surface-level symptoms, Compassionate Inquiry invites individuals to delve beneath the surface and explore the underlying narratives and beliefs that shape their experiences and functioning. This process often involves uncovering childhood wounds, unconscious patterns, and core beliefs that contribute to ongoing emotional distress.  We aren’t upset about what we think is upsetting us.

3. **Honoring the Body's Wisdom:** Central to the practice of Compassionate Inquiry is the recognition that the body holds valuable information about past traumas and unmet needs. Therapists are trained to attune to clients' bodily sensations, gestures, and subtle cues, allowing for a holistic understanding of their experiences.

4. **Embracing Vulnerability:** In the safe and supportive environment of Compassionate Inquiry, individuals are encouraged to embrace vulnerability and find their truth. This process fosters deep connection to the self and facilitates the release of pent-up emotions.

**How Trauma is Conceptualized in Compassionate Inquiry:**

Dr. Maté talks about trauma in very specific ways. He defines trauma as a disconnect from ourselves. Then he asks, why do we disconnect? “Because it was too painful to be ourself and that becomes a lifelong dynamic.” We disconnect from our gut feelings because we had to. 

He further explains that we are born with two very strong urges: the urge for attachment and the urge for authenticity. As human infants, we will die without attachment because we are not mature enough to provide for our needs for years. 

We will sacrifice authenticity in order to attach because we won’t live otherwise. So instead of saying to ourselves, “our parent has something in them keeping them from meeting our needs” we tell ourselves “If I were a better kid I would deserve love”. We make ourselves wrong, we deny authenticity, and we detach from our gut feelings for survival. 

When we were children and had no power, needed the other to live, this was a really smart plan. It gave us a sense that we could control the outcome and we focused on finding attachment. 

However, those coping skills aren’t intended to be used for the long haul. At some point, denying our own needs and only focusing on the needs of others leads to exhaustion, disease, maybe anger, and relationships that don’t really feel fulfilling. 

Why did we disconnect from ourselves? It wasn’t intentional. When it hurts so so much and you are so small. When you are so vulnerable and helpless, the pain is too much. What could you do but disconnect? This wasn’t conscious. It was your brain and body’s way of saving you. There was deep wisdom in that originally, but now it is that deep wound. 

The result is that now, when you have authentic feelings, you feel wrong and anxious.

Dr. Maté also states that trauma shapes how we see the world and our capacity to gauge safety. By being disconnected from our gut feelings we either go into hyper-vigilance where we are gauging that everything is dangerous or we had to lose our boundaries and so nothing registers as dangerous. 

Trauma gives you a shame-based view of yourself. Shame is inflicted on you by trauma. Shame was adaptive in that it helped to preserve the attachment by you believing there was something wrong with you. Dr. Maté says, “It had nothing to do with that, it was about connection or lack of connection. When you feel shame, tell yourself that someone broke the bridge of connection and never repaired it.” 

No one should have shame about themselves, they might and should have remorse for actions or for being out of alignment with themselves or not honoring commitments. Remorse is a healthy response to those things. Shame is about feeling the lack of connection. 

In Compassionate Inquiry, the goal is to get to your truth and that is in your body. You carry what happened in your nervous system. What you are experiencing in the present, through mental health or physical health issues, is an echo of what happened a long time ago.

**How Compassionate Inquiry Helps in Healing Trauma:**

For individuals who have experienced trauma, Compassionate Inquiry offers a powerful pathway to healing and liberation. By gently exploring the origins and impact of past traumas, individuals can begin to untangle themselves from the grip of unconscious patterns and beliefs that have shaped their lives. 

We work to get to the belief we hold about ourselves, how we developed that belief, and how that belief shows up in our bodies. 

Compassionate Inquiry reveals how we see things, how that makes us feel, what is going on with me right now in the present, and where does that come from? 

It is about not taking your perspective as truth, but inquiring into that perspective.

**Reconnecting with the Self:**

Through the process of Compassionate Inquiry, individuals learn to reconnect with their authentic selves beneath the layers of trauma and conditioning. By cultivating self-awareness and self-compassion, clients can begin to reclaim their sense of agency and inner strength.

**Healing Emotional Wounds:**

Compassionate Inquiry provides a safe container for individuals to process and release suppressed emotions related to past traumas. By allowing themselves to fully experience and express their feelings, clients can begin the journey of emotional healing and integration.

**Transforming Limiting Beliefs:**

Many individuals who have experienced trauma carry deep-seated beliefs about themselves, others, and the world that keep them stuck in patterns of suffering. Through Compassionate Inquiry, these limiting beliefs can be brought into awareness and gently challenged, paving the way for new perspectives and possibilities.

**Cultivating Resilience:**

Ultimately, Compassionate Inquiry empowers individuals to cultivate resilience in the face of adversity. By developing greater self-awareness, emotional regulation skills, and self-compassion, they can navigate life's challenges with greater ease and grace.

**Becoming a Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner:**

Becoming a Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner is a journey that requires dedication and commitment. Shay is one of 36 people in the US Certified in Compassionate Inquiry. The process took her 2 years and involved intensive study and practice under the guidance of Sat Dharam Kaur.  She worked alongside a cohort of 18 therapists, doctors, and coaches. 

The training included weekly group sessions, monthly dyads and triads, as well as rigorous self-exploration. 

Shay's journey involved confronting her own issues, processing childhood traumas, and developing the skills necessary to hold space for others. 

After completing the program, Shay underwent a 6-month mentorship before applying for certification. This involved over 100 hours of Compassionate Inquiry sessions, numerous practice sessions with other practitioners, and evaluation by a panel of certified practitioners.

Despite the challenges, Shay found the journey immensely rewarding, both personally and professionally. As a certified practitioner, Shay is dedicated to helping individuals heal from trauma and rediscover their inner strength and resilience.

If you or someone you know has experienced trauma and is seeking support, Shay is a Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner licensed in California. You can book a session with her at OvercomeAnxietyTrauma.com. Together, you can embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery, guided by the principles of compassion and curiosity.